TUCSON, AZ- In a last-ditch effort to win back his ex-girlfriend, local resident Tyler McKinnon decided to take a road trip to Mount Lemmon, an hour-long journey from his apartment on the east side. His ex, who Tyler says "got bored easily," broke up with him after a year-long relationship, citing his lack of desire to adventure outdoors as one of the reasons.
"I had to show her that I'm not the same boring guy she left behind," Tyler says. "I've got wanderlust now, baby!"
Tyler did a victorious air punch and took a hit out of his bowl after putting down his controller after he and his team took the top spot on Call of Duty: Warzone. He packed his car with miscellaneous camping gear from Amazon Prime, filled some plastic sandwich bags with expired trail mix and pocketed a phone charger. He set out on his journey determined to prove to his ex wrong.
But things didn't go quite as planned. Tyler, who had never been to Mount Lemmon before, got lost several times on the winding mountain roads, ending up at a picnic area instead of the summit after he accidentally dropped his phone between the seat cracks while trying to find a good Slightly Stoopid track. He also forgot bug spray and ended up having an existential crisis while mosquitos sucked away at his life force.
To make matters worse, Tyler's ex-girlfriend wasn't impressed by his efforts. She simply saw his selfie videos of him walking through the woods on his Instagram story and responded with the laugh emoji.
Dealing with physical, emotional and spiritual defeat, Tyler looked out into the beautiful vistas and, on the advice of an Onlyfans girl he started talking to, tried to meditate. It took less than 3 minutes before his back pain started creeping in and the ants began to bite his legs. Tyler got up and went back to his car to smoke another bowl.
On the way back down to Tucson, Tyler felt dejected but not defeated. "I'll just have to come up with a new plan," he says. "Maybe I'll take a trip to Sedona or at the very least Oro Valley.”
In the meantime, Tyler can be found screaming at teenagers on Call of Duty:Warzone and cultivating more followers for his podcast: “Tyler’s Podcast.”
“It’s not even about making her feel regret anymore, man. It’s about…okay, fine. I want her to regret it.”
We will be keeping eyes on this story as it develops.
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