TUCSON, AZ- Jennifer Lin was near 29th and Craycroft when she came to a very curious conclusion. She just climaxed. "I was driving after work to meet some friends downtown for drinks feeling completely stressed out and then this gift from the universe appeared when I was Westbound on 29th St. I came. I came hard."
When asked about what caused her seemingly spontaneous orgasm, she passionately yells, "Potholes! I mean, it's Tucson, so I'm used to my axles, struts and shocks being treated like a dirty little lush, but I guess it was my turn! The continuous vibrations and unpredictable jerking bring me a level of excitement I haven't felt in years!"
Several Tucson residents have emailed us about the increasing severity of the potholes
around the city but most have, ultimately, conceded that it's part of the Tucson 'charm'.
"Yeah, they're getting worse and worse and I've had to ignore the problem until it obviously became a blessing! Every man I've been with has had a problem in the bedroom when it comes to pleasing me but now I find myself looking forward to my daily commute. I've even thrown away or donated all of my sex toys. These potholes keep getting wider and deeper and now I find myself swerving to hit every single one!"
We asked her if she was worried about her car taking on damage. "Worried? No. I've never felt calmer in my life. I'm climaxing at least 4 times before I arrive at work and put out a cigarette right as I drive into the parking lot. My job performance has never been more productive and management is definitely taking notice. A promotion means I'll be able to afford a couple more horribly maintained used vehicles to joyride in."
The Tucson Times News will soon conduct a survey with our readers on whether or not they would like more of the city budget to go towards fixing potholes or at least advertise safety PSAs should this become a trend.
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