TUCSON, AZ- UofA student Brett Irvington finally decided to check the tire treads on his truck Thursday morning because of a TikTok video reminding him about adult responsibilities. He then grabbed a penny for the penny test and Abe Lincoln’s entire head showed above the tread line to which Brett immediately replied, “well, shit.”
He then bought a $8 coffee and checked his bank account while clenching his fist.
After a stressful week of drinking and using ChatGPT to write essays, Brett made his way over to his Aunt Pam’s house on Saturday in the Catalina Foothills where he had lunch with family and briefly brought up a “tire situation” in the backyard with cousin Mike who is known as the ‘car guy’. Not to be shown up, Uncle Joe, cigarette in one hand and Coors Banquet in the other, interjected as Mike began to list off a few chain shops.
“No, no. I got a Mexican guy down on 12th and Irvington where you can get ‘em for cheap. Trust me. Cash only, no bullshit.”
Uncle Joe then finished his cigarette and, presumably, went inside to take a piss after asserting dominance.
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