TUCSON- Frank Garcia, an aspiring inventor used to bouncing between several odd jobs, recently landed a part-time night security job at the Pima Air & Space Museum on Valencia Rd. The Tucson Times reached out for a phone interview and learned that his father and grandfather were always fascinated with planes and engineering so he figured it would be a great way to form closer bonds with them. In his first week on the job, an elderly guard was set to retire and told Frank, before his long-overdue departure, not to "let anything in...or out". Frank was a bit remiss towards the seemingly delusional ramblings of an old man but he soon found out the warning had merit. Our phone interview continues as we learn about the night things took a turn.
The sun was setting on Tuesday night and Frank was making the rounds by checking cameras and taking long walks and golf cart rides around the 80 acres of ground where over 400 impressive aircraft are on display. "It's a VERY large campus and it's still summer here in Tucson, so yeah, I take a lot of breaks."
Frank paused his rounds to admire the F-14 Tomcat up close and personal. He recently forced his girlfriend to watch "Top Gun: Maverick" on Amazon Prime when she insisted on Sandra Bullock's "The Lost City" citing Top Gun's (Tom Cruise's) "refusal to bow to the Hollywood bullsh-- machine" which caused an argument. He continued by pointing out that he paid for the Prime membership and that she should "brush her tongue" before she starts shouting. They haven't spoken in over a week and she, allegedly, changed her Netflix password so Frank would have to sign up for it himself.
"Top Gun Maverick was one of the best movies i've seen in a long time. So hell yeah I'm going to stop by the F-14 Tomcat! I couldn't help but hum the theme song as I stepped closer to it. It's a little embarrassing but I put on hand up on it and whispered 'you're dangerous' to it. Then it happened. I'm not making this up...the damn thing turned on. I heard an engine rumble and then the rocks and pebbles began to shake underneath my feet and I realized that the twin-engine afterburners were flaring up! I fell back and had to look up to see who was in the cockpit. I'm telling you---nobody. Nobody was manning the plane!" Frank's voice begins to raise and we listen as he continues on his alleged encounter with this supernatural occurance.
"I tried to radio in a distress call but there was nothing but static. So I got my ass in the golf cart and started heading back toward the office to use the landline but before I could even get 20 yards I heard another VERY loud roar as our Lockheed SR-71 Blackbird started rolling by too. At this point, I'm thinking someone drugged me. This can't be happening. Another engine and then another engine started roaring around me when I realized I was surrounded by acres of historic aircraft machinery coming to life by themselves! I started to pray a little and I'm just happy I went pee before I made my rounds because then there was a loud P-51 Mustang over here, a F-4 Phantom II there. A C-47 Skytrain chasing me and then a A-10 Thunderbolt II doing donuts."
Frank pauses momentarily. "I just got out of the cart and hid behind some bushes when the one that made my butthole clench up happened: The B-25 Mitchell started firing its fixed front end .50 cals at everything! I screamed like Chris Tucker in the 5th Element and started running and ended up locking myself in the closest bathroom. I saw what looked like a glowing Purple Heart medal on the sink and at this point I didn't even care. I went into one of the stalls and I think I passed out from dehydration and panic. I woke up to a custodian slapping me and making me sniff a bottle of ammonia. I came out of the door slowly to see if the planes were still alive, but they were all back in the same positions before everything happened. By the time I ran back to the office, the sun was already up and I chugged a gallon of water while checking the cameras. Malfunction. Of course."
We ask Frank if he made all of this up and if he's wasting our time with a ruse to get more summertime attendance at the Pima Air and Space Museum. "I'm not asking you to believe me, bro. I know what I saw. You're welcome to tune into my livestream on my next night shift. It's going to happen again. There's also a tipping function for when I get into any danger."
Frank then gave us his social media info and asked if he could borrow our Netflix password. We politely declined per Netflix's restrictive new policies. The Tucson Times News will update this story if more incidents are reported.
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