TUCSON, AZ- Jeremy Kepp got more than he bargained for when he bought a labradorite stone from one of the many, many worldwide vendors at the Tucson Gem Show back in February.
“I just love going every year because it makes me feel like I'm in some sort of post-apocalyptic Mad Max desert market seeking out magic rocks and trinkets for no reason at all. Like Burning Man but with way fewer STDs.”
Jeremy recalls when he came across one tent where he was drawn to a labradorite stone. “I just saw a shiny ass rock and had to have it. It was pretty empty inside and there was some old man who looked like Willie Nelson dressed as a Viking. I spent 15 minutes just looking around at all of the crystals and singing bowls but then the old man scared me when he grunted and pointed to the shiny stone. I was kind of high but I swear it was emanating some sort of force. He had a weird accent and said something about Ragnarök and lasting in bed longer or something. I can’t remember exactly, but I paid $70 for it and just put it on my dresser when I got home.”
Then Jeremy indulges us in what seems to be a supernatural occurrence. “Just last week,” he says in a hushed tone, “I was fast asleep and suddenly I heard what sounded like deep, guttural chanting behind a rhythmic tribal drum.”
Jeremy pauses and continues. “I thought I was in a hazy dream-state when a subtle green glow from my dresser started pulsating. I rubbed my eyes and slowly pulled the blanket from my face and saw that damn rock hovering in front of my bed! It started speaking Norwegian and I opened Google Translate on my phone to hear it saying things like “wrong kjøpstad! Where’s Harald Hardrada?! Blood will fall upon you.”
I was so confused but I think it wants to be returned to Norway. My friends tell me I’m not getting enough sleep or I ‘need to lay off the devil’s lettuce’ but I swear on my life that it’s communicating with me. I’m going to go to FedEx later and ask about rates but for now, I have to go to work.
The Tucson Times News will keep you updated on this story as it progresses.
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