TUCSON- Siddharth Shakti (Bryden Peterson at birth), now-previous owner of "Yoga-tta Get In Here" is trying to remain positive in the face of sudden bureaucratic nightmares. He calls it 'centering' when he pauses between explaining why the City of Tucson decided his building was in violation of a city ordinance that has been in place since 2016. It decrees all Yoga businesses must abide by strict 'Papyrus' font display rules on their official business signage.
It was signed into law in 2016 when Tucson's Yoga Committee disbanded due to a 'sacred unity oath' being violated by "Chakra Tacos" near Speedway and Swan. The owner, Bodhi Sakapatamarupeepaw, decided to use "Battery Park" (an urban, graffiti-esque font) to "take the pretentiousness out" in order to attract a 'less bohemian' crowd while expanding the artform to other demographics. The other members of the committee declared 'spiritual warfare' and were allegedly gathering around his storefront doing 'unconventional yoga poses', 'staring meanly' and 'rubbing crystals' at him causing him to get local law enforcement involved.
Since then, the city of Tucson has given any Yoga businesses 30 days to comply if in violation or they revoke all permits and take legal action. A city official went off the record to say there's concern that without a unified, positive Yoga collective, the city could fall into even more disarray. "Yoga is about the connection of mind, body and spirit. It cannot be broken. Tucson must remain the same."
Although Siddharth agrees with the sentiments, he felt the need to break the cycle of "Samsara" after doing DMT in a Wendy's parking lot. "I've already transcended and it's now my side-quest to see this material realm shaken from stagnation. I also have an online course for purchase for $899 and it will tell you how to shake your own limitations and get out of this simulation. Also, there are bonus courses on how to do proper Vrksasana and Balasana. IF you're interested." We politely declined.
The Tucson Times News will stay updated on Bryden's new business ventures and keep you posted should more infractions arise.
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